We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
