dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
