I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
