Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
