i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
