so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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