I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
