Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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