How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
