I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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