a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
