I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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