The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
