I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just high enough for therapy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
