What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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