When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
