ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize