I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
