so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
