1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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