Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im holly from the hills drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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