Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
