just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
