I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
