i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
