i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
