Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
