More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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