Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
