Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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