I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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