I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
