Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
