dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
