My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
