Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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