i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
