Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
