took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can't just leave with hair like that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
