Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize