I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
