everyone is single if you try hard enough
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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