i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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