Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
