The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
