If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
