I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
