literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
