I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
