Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize