y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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