I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize