I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
