I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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