Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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