I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
