as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
