she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There r osticjed everywhere
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
