No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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