I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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