The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
