He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
