his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
