i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
