Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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